Mommy's Love Goes With You PM

This was a limited edition PM and I am so happy and honoured to have it in my collection, it's not offered anymore. I saw it posted on an infant loss forum I post on. I tried to find it at our local store, but could only order it online, so ... we did LOL

I remember with tears having Ruby in my arms as they took her off of life support. We had 12 wonderful hours with her while waiting on the organ donation team to do their stuff. It was early on the Monday morning when I held my baby in my arms for the last time, encouraging her to go home to Jesus. Telling her how much I loved her and would miss her. Telling her everything I never got to say to her, apologizing for everything I had ever done wrong. I shed many tears that night and could have held her in my arms forever if they would have let me.

It was absolutely the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. No parent should ever have to watch as they take the tube off that is keeping your most precious thing alive. Part of me died that night with her, it's such an intense thing to have to do. You know you only have one option, there was no way she could have lived, she was brain dead ... yet ... you don't want to make that decsion, you feel like a failure, you feel like any moment she will wake up and beam a smile at you despite the doctor's testing and there being no signs of neurological function. How do you give consent and have your baby die in your arms.

I was the first one to hold her and I will always be the last one. I miss her so very much.