Introducing Maple!!!

So, Melody has been given this bear from her grade 1 teacher and his name is Maple. He will be doing some travelling very soon. Thanks to my LOTRO peeps who will be showing him around the USA. They get to take him fun places, take pictures and send postcards back to the school of his adventures. Great way for the kids to learn about new places.

Well, Melody asked me to make him a little hat and sweater, so how could I not!!! Here is his travelling gear!!

January's Crocheted Chemo Hat Count

I have been making some other hats for friends and for our family (10 other hats in total) but here are the chemo hats I have made for the month of January for the sweet children at Sick Kids Hospital. At the end of next month, we'll take them down and give them to Darcy (the bereavement co-ordinater at sick kids) with whatever ones I get done in February.

They are all in honour of my precious Ruby!!!

MMMMMM Oatmeal and Peas!!!!!

We have started the journey into SOLIDS!!!!!! It has been going really well. Aizen has been eating oatmeal cereal and peas. And he LOVES peas, I can't get it into him fast enough. So, thought I would share some pictures.... and yes he is sitting in his bumbo on our bed ... we haven't gotten the highchair out of storage. And to be honest right now it's so hard to use it because one of Ruby's last meals was in that highchair ... so bed and bumbo it is for now!!!

He doesn't look thrilled in these pictures because I took them in the midst of feeding him and he has this look of "Mom... just feed me.... stop taking pictures of me already!!!"

Cows Come In Bags ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

. . . . . . well milk sure does up here in Canada, it also comes in cartons. I was having a conversation one night and so here you go Aratoamin. =)

This is the outer bag that the milk comes in from the store. It is usually tied together at the top with a bread clip thingie:


Here is one out of the bag, there are 3 in total:


This is the place we store ours at our house, most people just keep them in the bigger bag:


And here is the container we keep it in:


So... yes we have milk in bags!!! We also have chocolate milk, the other types of milk and even lemonade in bags. LOL

Can It Really Be 11 Months??

I have had a really rough couple of weeks and things are not going so great for me. My therapist and I agree that my grief is turning into a clinical depression and I am just waiting on getting an appointment with my psychiatrist for a discuss on medication. So, we'll see how that goes.

I look at the clock and it's 2:40 am on the 13th. This time 11 months ago I was holding Ruby, saying goodbye as her heart stopped beating. Yesterday all I could do was relive that entire weekend and what we were going through at certain times. I had a friend online who kept me company while Daniel was at work, thanks a ton!!!!

There are so many things that I must face this year. I don't know how I will do them or how to motivate myself to. I'm so sad all the time and I'm on a roller coaster. I miss Ruby so much and want her here so badly. I miss my baby and everyday that passes is yet another that she is not here with me. Another day that I wish I could be holding her, touching her face and cuddling with her.

There are so many things that we should be doing with her this year, yet all my dreams will never come to fruition, I will always live in the land of "I should be ... " Yet I have to make decisions that no parent should ever have to make. I should not be having to pick out a footer for her grave, I shouldn't have to bury my baby's ashes. I shouldn't be planning a memorial service at the grave site. I shouldn't have to be going through the horror of a 1 year death anniversary.

I should be teaching her the sounds of letters and how to count. I should still be potty training her, teaching her how to bake, how to put her toys away, cleaning her room, picking out her clothes and so many other things. All of those dreams were torn away from me in a matter of a day, one horrible, dreadful day where I had to give consent for my child to die, to be taken off of the breathing machine, to have her die in my arms as my tears dripped on her face. I should never had had to make that decision, yet I am still faced with the reality that I said yes.

I need my Roo Roo and this totally sucks that it has been almost a year since she has passed away. I miss you my precious baby girl and I love you so very much my little sunshine. Mommy will NEVER stop loving you or thinking of you. ((((hugs and kissies)))))

Happy New Year!!!

Just wanted to wish all of my friends a Happy New Year!!!

This year has many struggles ahead. We have some very hard decisions to make this year that we don't want to at all. I'm looking forward to some of it and some I wish I could avoid.

Be safe and remember to hug your kids tight and let the last words they hear from you be "I Love You!!"